It Begins - Day 5

It’s been challenging crawling out of the Birthday mindset, there is no way I can rationalize celebrations into the next month. I have only been working out a couple of times a week and eating more than I should. Hopefully it’s enough to get me through this. I wish I was three years younger so I could take more time to get my body ready for this but I must have faith.

On Friday I started the estrogen patches. No sweat until Sunday when I started spotting a bit. I was kind of excited as it’s timed well for implantation bleeding. But then I saw online that it’s a possible side affect of the patch. Today it’s turned into full blown bleeding, how the heck is that going to affect things?? I emailed Jennifer the nurse and of course the one time I really need to talk to her she hasn’t written back. My mood is alright. For some reason I didn’t really give any thought to the patches, just worrying about how I am going to manage all the injections but already the patches are throwing me for a loop.

My mock transfer is tomorrow. The dumb doctor that butchered my belly button during my laparoscopy and tore up my cervix during my second IUI recommended it to the RE, who had no problem himself getting last time he had to do the sonohystiogram. Sure, what’s another $150 in the bucket of non-fairness? It’s kind of a good check point though in regards to my bladder stretching project. I feel like I’ve made great gains in the last 2 weeks.

Also still waiting to hear about the new job. I thought I was meeting the manager today but it’s not until Thursday. Great, I spent half an hour blow drying my hair for nothing! Lol.

26 Hours or 1560 minutes

Yesterday Janelle and I were complaining about people, my boss in particular. Today she tells me that she accidentally printed the email and left it in the printer, when she got in this morning she found it face down on her desk. Fantastic. Anyway, I am pretty sure I wasn’t that mean but come on, who needs this?? She’s just getting me back for that time I took the evidence she sent me through email and got a co-worker in trouble for spreading rumors about me. (heavy fallout from that cross eyed baby thing). Anyway, so far Tracy has been super nice to me today, so I don’t think it was her that found the email; she’s pretty sensitive and would have been hurt. We went for lunch today at Hair of the Dog and Tracy paid for mine because I didn’t get a birthday cake. That was really nice of her, I felt bad, especially since Miran or someone (Miran) didn’t put in enough money and Tracy had to pay even more. I also feel bad because I applied for a job in Tammy’s group and apparently I have a pretty good chance at it. That would screw over my group now if I left, it takes forever to high someone and even longer to train them. Oh well, Tammy’s job sounds sweet, and I need to reduce my stress, definitely.

Today is taking forever. I just took my $10 winning Bingo scratch card and parlayed it into another $10 worth of scratch tickets which then manifested into $0 winnings.

I went in for day three blood work on Monday. I really did try with the full bladder thing. I even got up early to chug water. It worked too well. By the time I got there I was ready to explode and the waiting room was FULL. I wiggled around for a while and finally had to go let a little out three times. By the last one I was like “fuck this” and just totally drained my bladder. 5 minutes later I am still in the waiting room and my bladder was full again! Finally as I am walking to the bathroom for the 4th time and everyone is looking at me, the nurse calls me in. I was lying on the table squirming, the tech couldn’t get me to stop moving and I had that ultrasound goo all over the place so she told me to go pee and we did it the messy way. Next cycle I’m not even going to try, my bladder can’t take it. No one understands. Anyway, there were 7 follicles and my blood work came back alright, she didn’t give me specifics so I don’t know what my FSH is but I guess it’s low enough. Now I wait for instructions and I have a Sonohystiogram on Monday with the butcher Dr. Raymond. That woman has ripped me apart on three separate occasions I still have the scars to prove it.

150 Hours/9000 Minutes

Woohoo only 9000 more minutes till my birthday. YAY!!

Why do I have a feeling the build up will be better than the weekend? People are already incroaching on my time. Wendy is coming over, that will actually be alright, she’ll just sit on the couch with me and she’s going to watch what I want and she’s going to like it. Robert and Michael have been invited over after, they can get drunk and come on to Jim and I can get uncomfortable. I try to remember Jim’s horniness for almost every woman alive but with promiscuous bears around, it’s hard to not to expect the worst every time you walk back into the room.

Ann is driving me nuts. Really nuts. She keeps bugging me, asking me what’s new, how am I feeling? It’s the same questions every single day, she’s so hungry for gossip and drama, I don’t want anything to do with her and her information grabbing and pushiness. When people are stressed, they know so. It does zero good when people remind them of how much they look like shit or how quiet they’ve been. I am trying to deal with crap, I don’t want to talk about it, and especially not with you!! She’s been saying some really stupid shit and I am at the end of my rope with dumb. Does she really think it will make me feel better that her 40 year old daughter said I could have her eggs because she’s not using them?? Do they really think that after 40 years of hard drinking and smoking that she will be any better than me? Do I really want your moron genes in my family pool?? I love Ann dearly but right now I could use a friend vacation.

Oh snap, I just got an email from my aunt about the whale that was trapped in fishing and crap trap lines. The scuba rescuers cut away all the lines and freed her and she was so happy. Then come crap at the bottom:

May you, and all those you love, be so fortunate...
To be surrounded by people who will help you get untangled from the things that are binding you.And, may you always know the joy of giving and receiving gratitude.I pass this on to you, my friend, in the same spirit.

For some reason I am more annoyed than ever.

The end.

Roll Call

Just wanted to let you know Internet universe that I am still alive. Here's a big old HELLO to a massive empty space!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love it in here, no one bothers me.