Ever since I started taking that Chia seed my life seems to be getting better. Obviously my bowel movements are the immediate awesome. Twice a day baby! And I just feel good. It could also be the armful of different vitamins I have been popping twice a day or the acupuncture for sure. Mostly though I’m gonna say CHI CHI CHI CHIA! I need to get some kind of traveling show on the road and maybe set up a commission agreement with Salba to sell this stuff. I made Wendy and Andrea take a shot of it last week. I’m not sure it took but to their defense they are not trying to make a baby.
I had my first ultrasound this morning, 18 follicles baby! I can’t wait to tell my acupuncturist Daniel. I love that little munchkin. All my blood levels look good too so I start injections tomorrow night. I think I will be okay. I don’t really have any coping stragedies; I just have denial. During my IUI I was on 150 mg of FSH stimulant, this time I will be on 450 mg. With the exception of the last day when my ovaries kind of felt like exploding, it was fine. I am more worried about the daily blood test needles and of course the two weeks of progesterone suppositories. The nice nurse lady told me if it gets too much then I can always shove them in my butt. It’s nice to know that shoving stuff up my butt is an option.
I got that new job, yay! It’s a lateral move but with a 5% rate increase. And of course the blackberry and laptop and working from home and actually being in Wireless and not getting screwed at bonus time is pretty awesome. I am a little worried about the VP, I worked for him before and thought he was a pig but I am resolved to go in there with an open mind. Anyway, everyone here has been sweet, Miran said some really nice stuff and everyone is sad. Rob has refused to speak to me so I guess that isn’t so sweet and Tracy just left in a huff so that is kind of weird but mostly it’s been nice to be missed.
We’re going to have lunch with my dad tomorrow. He’s on his way back from Moncton and his coaching gig with the US curling team. He’s getting them ready for the Olympics but has to head back to Switzerland for a while. He’s footing the bill so I am opting for sushi.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Another day in another life
I went over yesterday to watch the Biggest Loser and Twilight with Wendy and Andrea, lovely civilized evening. We ordered sushi and ate chocolate chips cookies. Turns out both Wendy and Andrea already saw the movie but where completely willing to watch it a second and fourth time. Scary willing actually. I understood about 10 minutes in, Edward was so hot, almost unbearable. He makes me want to cover my bedroom walls in him image and tune out all day living in fantasy land with him. Now I am googling his image and am pretty sure my co-workers are silently judging me. I got home at 10:30 and the cats were all over me. Jim was mad at me because they missed me and says I have to play with them non-stop for an hour tonight. Doesn’t that sound awful?
I just had another meeting for the Pricing Coordinator job. I feel a humongous sense of outrage that they do not just offer me the job, instead just stringing me along. Obviously this is how it works in the rest of the world; I don’t know how those people do it. He told me that there were two other people in the running, those better be the same two people that I know about that are kind of dumb, well, one’s dumb and one I don’t know but whatever. I am waiting to email Tammy to see what she says. Oh wait, she just emailed to ask how it went. Doesn’t she know I need insider info?
During the interview Imraan used the term “Baptism by Fire” and I was sitting there thinking, that has to be “Baptism by Drowning, what a moron” but turns out I am the moron, thanks Wikipedia for that.
I got my period 5 days early but apparently that will not deter my IVF process. So far, besides triggering Flo, these Estrogen patches aren’t so bad. But I am really having trouble wrapping my head around how this is going to work with my cycle starting 5 days early. I’m pretty calm about the impending onslaught of hormones that I will be injecting myself with, ooh the calm before the storm. Poor everyone that will be anywhere near me.
I could really use a good dump right now. This Salba Chai seed stuff I am taking is pretty darn good at keeping me regular. Let’s see how it goes with the hormones next week. The only drawback is that I have to have a crap at work. I walked into the can this morning and smelled “Just a Drop” and it made me happy. Now would be a good time to have some of that.
I just had another meeting for the Pricing Coordinator job. I feel a humongous sense of outrage that they do not just offer me the job, instead just stringing me along. Obviously this is how it works in the rest of the world; I don’t know how those people do it. He told me that there were two other people in the running, those better be the same two people that I know about that are kind of dumb, well, one’s dumb and one I don’t know but whatever. I am waiting to email Tammy to see what she says. Oh wait, she just emailed to ask how it went. Doesn’t she know I need insider info?
During the interview Imraan used the term “Baptism by Fire” and I was sitting there thinking, that has to be “Baptism by Drowning, what a moron” but turns out I am the moron, thanks Wikipedia for that.
I got my period 5 days early but apparently that will not deter my IVF process. So far, besides triggering Flo, these Estrogen patches aren’t so bad. But I am really having trouble wrapping my head around how this is going to work with my cycle starting 5 days early. I’m pretty calm about the impending onslaught of hormones that I will be injecting myself with, ooh the calm before the storm. Poor everyone that will be anywhere near me.
I could really use a good dump right now. This Salba Chai seed stuff I am taking is pretty darn good at keeping me regular. Let’s see how it goes with the hormones next week. The only drawback is that I have to have a crap at work. I walked into the can this morning and smelled “Just a Drop” and it made me happy. Now would be a good time to have some of that.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
It Begins - Day 5
It’s been challenging crawling out of the Birthday mindset, there is no way I can rationalize celebrations into the next month. I have only been working out a couple of times a week and eating more than I should. Hopefully it’s enough to get me through this. I wish I was three years younger so I could take more time to get my body ready for this but I must have faith.
On Friday I started the estrogen patches. No sweat until Sunday when I started spotting a bit. I was kind of excited as it’s timed well for implantation bleeding. But then I saw online that it’s a possible side affect of the patch. Today it’s turned into full blown bleeding, how the heck is that going to affect things?? I emailed Jennifer the nurse and of course the one time I really need to talk to her she hasn’t written back. My mood is alright. For some reason I didn’t really give any thought to the patches, just worrying about how I am going to manage all the injections but already the patches are throwing me for a loop.
My mock transfer is tomorrow. The dumb doctor that butchered my belly button during my laparoscopy and tore up my cervix during my second IUI recommended it to the RE, who had no problem himself getting last time he had to do the sonohystiogram. Sure, what’s another $150 in the bucket of non-fairness? It’s kind of a good check point though in regards to my bladder stretching project. I feel like I’ve made great gains in the last 2 weeks.
Also still waiting to hear about the new job. I thought I was meeting the manager today but it’s not until Thursday. Great, I spent half an hour blow drying my hair for nothing! Lol.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
26 Hours or 1560 minutes
Yesterday Janelle and I were complaining about people, my boss in particular. Today she tells me that she accidentally printed the email and left it in the printer, when she got in this morning she found it face down on her desk. Fantastic. Anyway, I am pretty sure I wasn’t that mean but come on, who needs this?? She’s just getting me back for that time I took the evidence she sent me through email and got a co-worker in trouble for spreading rumors about me. (heavy fallout from that cross eyed baby thing). Anyway, so far Tracy has been super nice to me today, so I don’t think it was her that found the email; she’s pretty sensitive and would have been hurt. We went for lunch today at Hair of the Dog and Tracy paid for mine because I didn’t get a birthday cake. That was really nice of her, I felt bad, especially since Miran or someone (Miran) didn’t put in enough money and Tracy had to pay even more. I also feel bad because I applied for a job in Tammy’s group and apparently I have a pretty good chance at it. That would screw over my group now if I left, it takes forever to high someone and even longer to train them. Oh well, Tammy’s job sounds sweet, and I need to reduce my stress, definitely.
Today is taking forever. I just took my $10 winning Bingo scratch card and parlayed it into another $10 worth of scratch tickets which then manifested into $0 winnings.
I went in for day three blood work on Monday. I really did try with the full bladder thing. I even got up early to chug water. It worked too well. By the time I got there I was ready to explode and the waiting room was FULL. I wiggled around for a while and finally had to go let a little out three times. By the last one I was like “fuck this” and just totally drained my bladder. 5 minutes later I am still in the waiting room and my bladder was full again! Finally as I am walking to the bathroom for the 4th time and everyone is looking at me, the nurse calls me in. I was lying on the table squirming, the tech couldn’t get me to stop moving and I had that ultrasound goo all over the place so she told me to go pee and we did it the messy way. Next cycle I’m not even going to try, my bladder can’t take it. No one understands. Anyway, there were 7 follicles and my blood work came back alright, she didn’t give me specifics so I don’t know what my FSH is but I guess it’s low enough. Now I wait for instructions and I have a Sonohystiogram on Monday with the butcher Dr. Raymond. That woman has ripped me apart on three separate occasions I still have the scars to prove it.
Today is taking forever. I just took my $10 winning Bingo scratch card and parlayed it into another $10 worth of scratch tickets which then manifested into $0 winnings.
I went in for day three blood work on Monday. I really did try with the full bladder thing. I even got up early to chug water. It worked too well. By the time I got there I was ready to explode and the waiting room was FULL. I wiggled around for a while and finally had to go let a little out three times. By the last one I was like “fuck this” and just totally drained my bladder. 5 minutes later I am still in the waiting room and my bladder was full again! Finally as I am walking to the bathroom for the 4th time and everyone is looking at me, the nurse calls me in. I was lying on the table squirming, the tech couldn’t get me to stop moving and I had that ultrasound goo all over the place so she told me to go pee and we did it the messy way. Next cycle I’m not even going to try, my bladder can’t take it. No one understands. Anyway, there were 7 follicles and my blood work came back alright, she didn’t give me specifics so I don’t know what my FSH is but I guess it’s low enough. Now I wait for instructions and I have a Sonohystiogram on Monday with the butcher Dr. Raymond. That woman has ripped me apart on three separate occasions I still have the scars to prove it.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
150 Hours/9000 Minutes
Woohoo only 9000 more minutes till my birthday. YAY!!
Why do I have a feeling the build up will be better than the weekend? People are already incroaching on my time. Wendy is coming over, that will actually be alright, she’ll just sit on the couch with me and she’s going to watch what I want and she’s going to like it. Robert and Michael have been invited over after, they can get drunk and come on to Jim and I can get uncomfortable. I try to remember Jim’s horniness for almost every woman alive but with promiscuous bears around, it’s hard to not to expect the worst every time you walk back into the room.
Ann is driving me nuts. Really nuts. She keeps bugging me, asking me what’s new, how am I feeling? It’s the same questions every single day, she’s so hungry for gossip and drama, I don’t want anything to do with her and her information grabbing and pushiness. When people are stressed, they know so. It does zero good when people remind them of how much they look like shit or how quiet they’ve been. I am trying to deal with crap, I don’t want to talk about it, and especially not with you!! She’s been saying some really stupid shit and I am at the end of my rope with dumb. Does she really think it will make me feel better that her 40 year old daughter said I could have her eggs because she’s not using them?? Do they really think that after 40 years of hard drinking and smoking that she will be any better than me? Do I really want your moron genes in my family pool?? I love Ann dearly but right now I could use a friend vacation.
Why do I have a feeling the build up will be better than the weekend? People are already incroaching on my time. Wendy is coming over, that will actually be alright, she’ll just sit on the couch with me and she’s going to watch what I want and she’s going to like it. Robert and Michael have been invited over after, they can get drunk and come on to Jim and I can get uncomfortable. I try to remember Jim’s horniness for almost every woman alive but with promiscuous bears around, it’s hard to not to expect the worst every time you walk back into the room.
Ann is driving me nuts. Really nuts. She keeps bugging me, asking me what’s new, how am I feeling? It’s the same questions every single day, she’s so hungry for gossip and drama, I don’t want anything to do with her and her information grabbing and pushiness. When people are stressed, they know so. It does zero good when people remind them of how much they look like shit or how quiet they’ve been. I am trying to deal with crap, I don’t want to talk about it, and especially not with you!! She’s been saying some really stupid shit and I am at the end of my rope with dumb. Does she really think it will make me feel better that her 40 year old daughter said I could have her eggs because she’s not using them?? Do they really think that after 40 years of hard drinking and smoking that she will be any better than me? Do I really want your moron genes in my family pool?? I love Ann dearly but right now I could use a friend vacation.
Oh snap, I just got an email from my aunt about the whale that was trapped in fishing and crap trap lines. The scuba rescuers cut away all the lines and freed her and she was so happy. Then come crap at the bottom:
May you, and all those you love, be so fortunate...
To be surrounded by people who will help you get untangled from the things that are binding you.And, may you always know the joy of giving and receiving gratitude.I pass this on to you, my friend, in the same spirit.
For some reason I am more annoyed than ever.
The end.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Roll Call
Just wanted to let you know Internet universe that I am still alive. Here's a big old HELLO to a massive empty space!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love it in here, no one bothers me.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Thursblah
I feel like a huge bag of crap. I felt so good yesterday after my acupuncture. I felt like anything could happen to me and it would be okay. Today I feel awful. Yesterday I went over to Wendy’s and we had Swiss Chalet. I was so hungry, I ate everything and today I still feel bloated from it, but I could eat a small army at the same time.
Tracy is driving me nuts. I make one small mistake and she feels that she should point it out and make a dumb face as if I brought shame to our great group, meanwhile everyone, her included, sends out error filled emails all the time which no one rubs in their face. Also for my birthday we were all going to go to Dangerous Dan’s but after driving by it on Sunday, I will spare my co-workers the experience. So we have to pick a different restaurant and everyone wants to do Indian but she won’t go anywhere that stinks so it always ends up an Italian restaurant even though I am not a big fan of pasta, just because it’s her favorite.
I’ve been a slug, haven’t been to the gym all week and was only on the treadmill once since I am here every night doing over time. Jim is getting snotty, tried to tell me I don’t need a birthday weekend. Every year his birthday is a long weekend and we have to go to the cottage where he sits on his ass while his mommy serves him; he can go eff himself.
I am half-heartedly trying some relaxation techniques to get me out of this mood. It always sounds great when you feel fine, but once the slump starts it’s a different story. It’s an awful feeling hating yourself.
Tracy is driving me nuts. I make one small mistake and she feels that she should point it out and make a dumb face as if I brought shame to our great group, meanwhile everyone, her included, sends out error filled emails all the time which no one rubs in their face. Also for my birthday we were all going to go to Dangerous Dan’s but after driving by it on Sunday, I will spare my co-workers the experience. So we have to pick a different restaurant and everyone wants to do Indian but she won’t go anywhere that stinks so it always ends up an Italian restaurant even though I am not a big fan of pasta, just because it’s her favorite.
I’ve been a slug, haven’t been to the gym all week and was only on the treadmill once since I am here every night doing over time. Jim is getting snotty, tried to tell me I don’t need a birthday weekend. Every year his birthday is a long weekend and we have to go to the cottage where he sits on his ass while his mommy serves him; he can go eff himself.
I am half-heartedly trying some relaxation techniques to get me out of this mood. It always sounds great when you feel fine, but once the slump starts it’s a different story. It’s an awful feeling hating yourself.
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